


비처럼 가지마요 (one more chance)

by plincess_cho (ai_hao)



Category: Super Junior
Genre: Again, Gen, I love them a lot okay, Sequel, Super Junior - Freeform, bandfic, heechul-centric, just... a lot of feelings, no ship no pair just them talking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-12
Updated: 2019-06-12
Packaged: 2020-05-01 19:30:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19184179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ai_hao/pseuds/plincess_cho
Summary: "Hyung, is Super Junior going to make it?"





	비처럼 가지마요 (one more chance)

**Author's Note:**

> This is the sequel to [달콤씁쓸 (Bittersweet)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12586276).

It’s the first time all of them have been together in… who knows how long. They’ve stopped keeping track of things like that long ago. Someone is always missing, whether they meet in Korea or Japan or China, in a restaurant or at someone’s apartment or in some cramped meeting room in the SM building, late at night or early in the morning or midday. Perhaps it’s always been like this, Heechul thinks to himself as he scans through memories in his brain. The contract terminations were big ones of course, plus hospital visits, plus enlistment, plus solo activities, plus schedules, plus plus plus… the list seems to never end.

They’re all clustered together now in the dorms where three of them now live, the most who have lived together in years. Low tables are set up on the floor, spanning from the dining room practically to the couch. How they had lived like this for years, Heechul will never know. He remembers the days of being all crammed into dormitories too small for the fifty seven of them to fit into properly. There had always been someone around to bother, encourage, or mooch off of, and they’d liked it for a time. Splitting the rent at least six different ways hadn’t been that bad either, back when they were all poor kids from small towns, trying to make it big. At least most of them.

There’s a veritable cornucopia of takeout containers arranged across the tables, Ryeowook’s doing no doubt. He’s learned over the years who likes what, how much to order, and how to get the army of takeaway couriers to all arrive within fifteen minutes. Years ago, their mothers would’ve  [ teamed up ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJvB-euzXug) to cook for all of them, but they can’t ask them to do that now. Just as the members have gotten older in the past fourteen years since debut, so have their parents. 

For once, Jungsoo doesn’t give a speech. He just motions for the others to dig in, and they do. Bowls clank, takeaway containers rustle, and there’s the hubbub of passing food. It’s nice, Heechul thinks. He remembers the managers always fussing over how to feed all twelve of them right at the beginning. There had never been enough food to go around, which probably explained why they looked so incredibly  _ gawky _ in their debut photos. They all grouse about how much weight they’ve gained since 2005, but at least they look better.

Heechul looks around at the members all sitting around him. It feels good to have so many in a room together. The most recent… scandal (if one could even call it that) had shaken them all, and for the first time in a long time, Donghae had voiced the words that no one else had had the courage to say.

_ “Hyung, is Super Junior going to make it?” _

A few of them had [ gone to dinner ](https://twitter.com/kagrrashin/status/1136286903219642370) the week before, and the five of them had crowded into a private room in the back to talk. They’d all ignored the elephant in the room despite each member looking particularly haggard until Donghae had broken the silence.

They’d all looked to Jungsoo for his answer. Even after years of operating as a team instead of a leader with followers, they still sought out Jungsoo’s word before anyone else’s. Had it been a few years ago, he would’ve given them a resounding  _ “Of course! We’ll get through this just like we always have!” _ but he’d paused and heaved a heavy sigh before responding.

_ “I don’t know.” _

Those three words had nearly wrecked them all, more than anything the so-called fans could have done to them. Jungsoo had been the one to believe in the team from the very beginning, and if he had given up hope, what chance did the rest of them have?

Nobody had responded. They’d all picked at their food while trying to find words that could express the way they’d felt. What could Heechul even say?  _ Maybe it’s time? Maybe this is the end? Maybe we’ll burn out in this magnificent flame and leave only ashes behind? _

So he hadn’t said anything.

It had been Hyukjae who, with a wavering voice and tears in his eyes, had said,  _ “We have to. We can’t end like this.” _

And that had been that.

They’d never talked about the ending, not for years anyways. Heechul had talked about it a lot at the beginning with Kibum and Jay and Hankyung, all crowded into their dorm together. They’d talked about what sort of acting they wanted to do once they were able to break out of daytime serials. Jay had wanted to do musicals, Hankyung had wanted to dance, and the four of them had all wanted to make enough money that they wouldn’t have to share a dorm that smelled of feet, bad cologne, and teenaged boys. 

And they’d talked about it after the accidents, wondering if they’d be finished before they ever really got started. Yet by 2008, they hadn’t talked about the end. They’d been determined to make it by then and goddammit, they were going to make it. It had been that drive and ambition that had gotten them through the tragedies, scandals, hardships, and enlistments of the first seven years.

Even when Jungsoo had left for the army, they hadn’t talked about the end. They’d worried about the end, but nobody had said it outright. They’d put enough measures in place that, barring something catastrophic (which, if it affected any idol group, probably  _ would _ have the unlucky chance of affecting Super Junior), there would still be a Super Junior for the hyungs to return to. 

And then…

Heechul shoves a wad of noodles into his mouth and looks around for Sungmin. Of all the members, Sungmin is the one he’s seen the least in the past months. They used to sneak around to go out to dinner, away from the prying eyes of fans who would ruin their evening with malicious SNS posts, but these days, they’d rarely met up. Yet Sungmin looks better than he has in a long time, and Heechul’s heart warms as he watches him throw back his head and laugh at something Donghee says. He looks…  _ free _ . That’s the only way Heechul can find to describe it. He runs into him and Saeun every so often at the company building, and he always feels a twinge of jealousy gnaw at his insides when he sees them together. He’s happy Sungmin finally is happy; he doesn’t have the worries of the rest of them about their future families.

He sends them a text every December, congratulating them on another year of marriage. It’s not enough, Heechul thinks, but every December, a fruit basket always arrives on Heechul’s doorstep with a note from Saeun, thanking him for standing up for Sungmin at their wedding. 

Sungmin breaks into a laugh again as Donghee reaches the punchline of another joke. They both dissolve into laughter, but over the noise, Heechul can’t hear what was said. He hasn’t seen Donghae much these days either, mainly because he’s been so busy with the Walala team directing. He always grins broadly when he tells Heechul about it.  _ “Hyung, I’m finally getting to do what I’ve always wanted,” _ he’ll say.

_ “I thought you always wanted to perform,”  _ Heechul will reply.

_ “No, I wanted to  _ dance _ and make beautiful things, and now I am. We’ve got another shoot in Malaysia next month, and you should see the plans we have for it. If only Walala had done our music videos back in the day. Maybe they wouldn’t have been so cringey!” _

They’ll both cackle, but Heechul is happy. He hasn’t seen Donghee this bright in… maybe forever, and he’s been suffering long enough.

Ryeowook’s next. He always looks so small next to the others, much to his chagrin, but he’s always radiated a warm kind of strength to Heechul. After all, he had been the one to sit with him during his darkest time,  [ cooking him meals and watching dramas with him ](https://heechulfacts.tumblr.com/post/30716902540/trans-heechul-mentions-ryeowook-20-times-in) . To anyone else, it would have seemed silly, but to Heechul it had meant the world. And to Henry, it had meant the same. Heechul knows they still meet up often, even though things are different than before. In some ways, Henry is like Ryeowook’s own kid, finally flying out of the nest.

Youngwoon sits next to Ryeowook, remarkably more subdued than Heechul remembers. It had taken a good amount of convincing to get him to come out tonight, mainly because he admitted not wanting to be seen with the others.  _ “I can’t risk the drama now,” _ he’d said.  _ “They’ve already cancelled one because of me. If this gets ruined too, I’m really finished.” _

It had made sense of course; after all, there were only so many second chances that the public was willing to give. They’d all experienced that particular joy of celebrity life over the years, but Youngwoon really doesn’t have any more lives left. 

He’s stabilized over the past few years; in a way, they all have. Heechul more than almost all of them has been working diligently to solidify his future post-Super Junior. The members joke that it seems like every week either he or Jungsoo is on a new show, and now with Kyuhyun’s return to the idol life, they throw him in the mix too. 

_ “You can’t even turn on the television without seeing a Super Junior member!” _ his mother had commented once, and she’d hadn’t been wrong.

Yesung is next to him, pretending not to be hungry so he can diet for his solo comeback. They all worry about him these days and text him often. He’s the only one who replies consistently to messages, despite nearly all of them ditching their iPhones for brands that offered 5G connections. They’ve come a long way from their flip phones with jewel charms and phone cards, that’s for sure. He sips at some broth and tries to avoid Ryeowook’s pointed glares until he gives in and bites into a chicken leg. Baby steps, but at least it’s something.

Out of all of the uncertainty over the past few weeks, Heechul thinks Yesung has been hit the hardest. Even the fans had noticed his disappearance from social media, the one who hadn’t been criticizing him at least. In theory, this  _ had _ been one of those things they’d covered in “Idol Training” over the years: What to Do When You Make an Incendiary SNS Post. Yet this… It had been hard on all of them. What exactly should he have even done in this situation? And how many more apologies would they have to make before they’d be done? In lighter moments, they’d joked that of  _ course _ their hit song was “Sorry Sorry” since they’d been apologizing for dumb shit for  _ years _ .

Yesung had tried apologizing to him a few days before, but Heechul wouldn’t have it.  _ “Don’t,” _ he’d said. He’d wanted to say,  _ We’ll make it through together _ , but that had sounded far too cheesy, even in a moment like this.  _ “Don’t ever stop supporting those you love,” _ he’d said instead. If there had been one thing that he hadn’t regretted from the past fourteen years, it had been standing up for the others. Because if even their own members turned on them, who the hell  _ did _ they have in this world?

He’s reminded to call Zhou Mi who’s off shooting for another magazine pictorial. Zhou Mi had been one of the first [ to take care of _him_ ](https://superduperlove.wordpress.com/2008/09/14/heechuls-cyworld-entry-20080914-22/) back in the day when he’d refused help from almost everyone else. How many times had he fought for Zhou Mi after that?  [ More than he could count ](https://plincess-cho.tumblr.com/post/84796725324/sharing-this-video-here-because-this-is) . There had been no one who had shone as brightly as Zhou Mi. After all, he and Hankyung had taught him more about love in those few years than he could have ever imagined.

And then there’s Siwon, someone else who had taught him about love and endurance over the past years. His face tanned from his time away, and he happily spoons soup into his mouth as he chats with Yesung. He’d come back more energized and even more  _ Siwon _ than he had been when he’d left, and Heechul had been grateful. Siwon had been subjected to more vitriol in the past two years than most people endured in a lifetime, and yet still he’d remained the most warm-hearted and humble person Heechul had ever met. He’d always send Heechul a text whenever he caught him on TV or when he saw something that reminded him of him. Even now, he’s leaning into Yesung, asking him about the concepts for his comeback. He’s already put in his preorder, Heechul knows, because even though he can get all of this and more for free with a smile and a handshake, he always insists on supporting those he loves.

Truly, where would they be without Siwon.

Kyuhyun’s next to him, reaching over Siwon for one of the takeaway containers. Kyuhyun he sees the most, to no one’s surprise. They had spent the most time together during Kyuhyun’s enlistment after all, and they had grown closer as a result.  [ It had been a weird thing to have in common, almost dying ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17435423) , but they’d made the best of it over the years. For the past month, they’ve practically been glued to the hip with all of their different show recordings and appearances. He likes seeing Kyuhyun do so well; he had been so anxious and nervous about his return, and he’d spent more than one night inebriated on Heechul’s couch, speculating about his uncertain future. That’s partially the reason why Heechul had  [ agreed to go on so many shows ](https://twitter.com/heehyukkienimm/status/1137995072354471936) with him to help him return to society, but it had also been simply because Heechul had large soft spot for their youngest that had only grown in the two years he’d been in service.

_ “I appreciate it a lot, hyung,” _ Kyuhyun had said in the waiting room.  _ “It feels safe going on with you.” _

_ Safe. _

How often had Heechul himself called Super Junior his safe harbor, his family, his home that he could return to?

And that’s what he has to protect for the others, in whatever way he can.

Hyukjae and Donghae are next to him, giggling over who knows what. They’re off in their own little world, per usual, the side effect of two decades of friendship and years of touring together. It’s funny, Heechul thinks. They always return from their D&E tours fatigued from the other, but it only takes a few weeks for them to return to this. Heechul knows they both worry about the future, Donghae more than Hyukjae. He’s spending more and more time with his friends’ children, trying to make up for the ones he may never have. It’s not exactly what he signed up for as a teenager, but life has always been unexpected for them. Donghae talks about it a lot, to Heechul at least. He’ll come over to play with the puppies and bother Heebum, and suddenly it will seem like they’re back in 2010, bumming around the dorms. 

Heechul’s parents always talk about how they blinked and suddenly they went from having two kids in grade school to two grown adults with grandchildren.  _ “In my mind, you’ll always be that little boy, smirking in his school photo,” _ his father says sometimes. And that’s how Heechul feels about Donghae. Through it all, he’ll always be that skinny kid from the countryside who’d imprinted on him and Jungsoo the minute they’d met. Heechul hadn’t felt like a father to him then like Jungsoo had, but he does now. 

God, he’s gotten soft over the years. He would’ve hated the idea a decade ago, but now it seems like the most normal thing in the world.

And finally, there’s Jungsoo, carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. The wrinkles he tries to hide seem more prominent these days, and Heechul always grimaces at the effects of strain on Jungsoo’s body. They’re older now, and time has taken its toll. The two of them feel it more than the others, and while they joke about it, the pain is real and sometimes doesn’t go away.

_ “Is Super Junior going to make it?” _

Donghae’s question still rings in Heechul’s head as he looks around at all of them. These are the people he treasures most in the world, the ones he would fight the entire world for. He doesn’t want to give them up, to give  _ this _ up, not yet. Now now. And certainly, not like this.

“We are going to make it,” he says suddenly.

“What?” Donghae asks, voice muffled by the food in his mouth. 

“We  _ are _ going to make it,” Heechul repeats. “I don’t know what it’s going to look like, I don’t know how it’s going to be, but we’re going to make it. We’re not going to end like this.”

And for once, nobody looks to Jungsoo to confirm. Instead, they all quiet down and look at him. Some are earnest, ready to conquer the world; others are wary, for they know the costs they’ve borne; and others are hopeful, not knowing what the future will hold but knowing that they can get through, together.

_ Together. _

“I think we should talk about it,” Hyukjae says. “The end.”

All heads jerk in his direction, with scattered gasps of disbelief. 

“But I thought… he just said…” Ryeowook says, eyes narrowing as he looks from Hyukjae to Heechul and back again.

“Hyuk’s right,” Jungsoo says, speaking for the first time all night. “We should talk about it.”

“But why?” Yesung asks. His voice wavers, and Heechul knows why.

“Because it’s going to end,” Jungsoo says. He pauses, as if he can’t believe those words actually came out of his mouth. “It’s always been going to end.”

He’s right, Heechul knows, but it’s been so long since he’s heard those words that anxiety shoots through his chest. They’d had the discussion years ago when they’d all started solo activities, with Leeteuk telling them that they could do whatever they wanted as long as they always came back to the team. Yet this…

So they talk.

They talk, and they cry, and they argue, and they talk some more for the first time. They talk about the end, they talk about what it to be, they talk about how things want to go. They talk about all of the years they’ve spent together and all of the years they will still spend together, in whatever form they choose. They talk about reunion tours and variety shows and plans to be buried next to each other decades from now (Donghae’s idea, of course). They talk until the takeaway containers are empty and there are no tears left to cry. 

“The end,” Hyukjae says, as if trying the words out for the first time.

“It’s not an end,” Jungsoo says. “Well not really.”

“I swear to God, if you say ‘it’s not an end but an and,’ I will throw this bag of napkins at you,” Donghee says.

“Fine,” Jungsoo says, a smile playing on his lips. “It’s not an end. It’s a new beginning.”

They all groan and toss their dirty napkins in his direction, but everyone’s smiling. And in that moment, Heechul remembers Jungsoo’s words on the eve of their debut, nearly fourteen years ago.

_ “So this is our new beginning, huh?” _

_ “Yeah.” _

_ “Do you think we’ll make it?” _

_ “Maybe.” _

_ “I think we will. We have to.” _

And they have. 

**Author's Note:**

> Note 1: Heechul still uses the members' real names most of the time when he 'slips up' on broadcast, so I can only imagine he uses their real names more often than not offstage. Except Yesung. I don't think any of them call him anything other than Yesung. That's also why I put Hankyung instead of Han Geng, because that's what he always called him.
> 
> Note 2: You can find the prequel to this fic [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12586276).
> 
> Note 3: Comments are love ♡


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